Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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