making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
