So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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