I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
