While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize