We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
