My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
