Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
