Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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