NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
