Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
