Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
