The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize