Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
