in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize