playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
