If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
