The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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