I'm jealous of your bromance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
