Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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