dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
