I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
