I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
