Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
