you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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