So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
