he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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