oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
