I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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