What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
