38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
