smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize