This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
