and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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