I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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