he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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