I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
