Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
