Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize