he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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