People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
