This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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