You work out of a Hotel?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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