I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
