Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
