The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
