Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
