Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
