LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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