Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
