I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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