I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
