If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
