you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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