I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
