I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
