so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
