Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
