your parents love me but you hate me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize