coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
