I hate all girls vehemently.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
