i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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