don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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