I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
