I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize