Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
