By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
