I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
