Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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