I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is wine microwaveable?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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