my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
