Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
