Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
