If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
