I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
