I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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