I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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