I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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